Winter 2019 Recap | Personal Moments

Guys, it's been a rough week.

I mean, like, can I go crawl in a hole and never see the light of day, rough.

It feels like my celebratory birthday happened a decade ago already. Am I 40 right now???

Sunday was a fun day celebrating me. Woot woot! It was the day before my birthday. I had spent the weekend with my in-laws at their farm, and we came home to find that Jesse had surprised me with a house completely decorated with balloons and streamers with cake and HAZELNUT everything - which I semi-recently have grown an avid love for (thank you pregnancy!! - with Axel). Then he and I went to see a movie at a dine-in theater, and I spent half our inheritance on ordering everything that sounded good to me in the moment. Which was a lot..... Because, you know, it was my birthday........

Yay, us! Yay, hunny! Good job!

Buuuuuut, the same day that happened, my mom-in-law and I also had to skip church and make a morning run to the UrgentCare near their house because Axel woke up with eyes glued shut with eye-goo and he had pink whites and red panda eyes.

Not a great way to start the week.

We were in, they saw us quickly, and we were out. Which I was thankful for. We got medicine for his eyes and then for his sinus infection. They said once he took his meds for 24 hours, we wouldn't worry about keeping him away from anyone. So, good. Yay. It was all settled. No worries. Just a little hiccup in an otherwise great start to the week.

Two days later, I pick him up from daycare and he has a high fever. I was terrified he hadn't gotten better. Had it not worked? He was on the meds; he should be A-ok! Why was he sick? He was so crabby and wouldn't eat and was constantly rubbing his face, like he was tired, but never wanted to sleep.

Then that very afternoon Roxas started crying and complaining of an earache. That night was supposed to be my good friend's going away party (moving to another state) and we were so stressed with - should we go? should we not go? Is Roxas really sick? Is he exaggerating cause his brother is getting so much "sick" attention? Well, it got to the point he was on the floor, holding his ears, and asking if he could go to sleep. That never happens either. UrgentCare again.......

He was put on meds, everything was going to be great. They were both super tired, but they were content, and making their way to recovery. Axel was still fussy, and wouldn't eat solid food at all. He only wanted to nurse. But I figured it was just because he was still kicking the ickiness.

Here comes Saturday. I got up with him early and walk around in a foggy-zombie-daze like I religiously do each morning. I was holding him in one arm as I cleared up toys and put away some dishes, getting stuff ready for the day. After I was done I went to the living room and sat him on the floor to play and finally took a moment to really look at him in the slowly growing winter-morning sunlight.

I knew as soon as my eyes adjusted. He was not normal......

I ran to get Jesse, who had just fallen asleep (night shift), and he came out to see Axel completely covered in red and white blotches. He looked like a red and white leopard. He had a massive rash all over his body. All over.....

On a Saturday..... (notice how these things happen when there is no doctor to go to?)

UrgentCare, here we come!!!!!

Apparently he is allergic to the medicine he was taking 3 times a day... The whole week he was reacting to it with fever and exhaustion, lack of appetite, irritability, and now a rash. I felt so terrible for him. Such a sick feeling worrying that I had inadvertently been poisoning him, making him sicker. Even though I know it's no one's fault, I can't help but have that mama-ache in my chest.

Today, I felt like - it's been rough. A bit poopy, if you ask me.

He is now on even more medication to reverse the medication he was put on to get him better. Such a vicious cycle.

So to combat my deep winter blues, and sick babies, I am looking back on the past few months, and all of the precious memories with my healthy red-headed boys, with joyful remembrance and thankfulness.

Location: Belleville, IL

Models: Roxas & Axel

I love you with my whole soul+more.

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